Digital Conversations of the Bade Kind
by CrazySerena13
Summary: Conversations over text between Beck and Jade. "I'm a little stupid. You're a little crazy. We should probably work on that."
1. Ninja Level

A/N: I have no idea what this even is. I had this idea at like six this morning and couldn't fall back asleep until I wrote it down. So, yeah. Hope everyone likes this weird little texting one-shot.

Jade's texts are in the _italics_ , and Beck's are in **bold**. Hopefully this isn't crazy confusing.

Enjoy?

Ninja Level

 _Why the fuck were you talking to Meredith?_

 **What are you talking about?**

 _I saw you guys in the hallway together!_

 **Oh, she was asking me about an assignment for chemistry.**

 _Yeah, I just bet she was!_

 **?**

 _So asking you about an assignment requires physical contact now?_

 **Ummm, maybe? Why? You want to ask me something? ;)**

 _Ugh, you wish. Do NOT use that stupid winky face at me. And WHY did she have her hand on your arm?_

 **What-what are you talking about? When?**

 _In the hallway! Like fifteen minutes ago!_

 **You know, your stalking levels are really improving. I'm impressed.**

 _Thank you. I just recently reached ninja level stalker status._

 **Impressive. But I still don't get how…..aren't you in vocal rehearsal right now?**

 _So?_

 **So how would you know that Meredith and I ever even had a conversation in the hallway today?**

 _I have my ways. And DON'T change the subject!_

 **Ways? What ways?**

 _A ninja level stalker never reveals their secrets._

 **Jade!**

 _It's in the code book. Which you aren't allowed to see. Or even know about. Shit! I've said too much already! Now I will have to kill you. I will really miss you, but...Sacrifices must be made for the greater good._

 **Maybe Meredith was right.**

 _Highly doubtful._

 **She said I should stop by her dad's bakery anytime- but not to bring my crazy with me.**

 _Meaning?_

 **Meaning you aren't welcome. No shirts, no shoes, no Jade West. It's on the sign out front.**

 _Jade West is allowed in any establishment she chooses to bless with her presence._

 **Where did you get this pic?**

 _If you must know it was sent to me by one of my faithful minions._

 **Faithful?**

 _Faithful. Terrified. Same thing._

 ** _How the hell did someone send this to you?_**

 _Ninja Level! I will never reveal my secrets! And don't change the subject! She has her hands on you and you are smiling-SMILING- at her!_

 **So I should scowl at her like you do?**

 _That would be preferable._

 **But then I will get wrinkles.**

 _Oh! So now you are calling me a wrinkly old woman?!_

 **I never said you were old.**

 _Beck!_

 **Kidding. WHY are you all cuddled up to Andre in this pic you just sent me? What the hell is going on in your vocal rehearsal right now?**

 _Wouldn't you like to know. Too bad you don't have my stalking skills. Then you would be able to find out for yourself._

 _ **His arm's around you and….and why are you looking at him like that?!**_

 _I'm just smiling._

 **That isn't okay.**

 _YOU'RE the one who said I was getting wrinkly from all the scowling I do._

 **Okay, okay. I get it.**

 _Get what? I would furrow my brow in confusion, but you know. Wrinkles. Crow's feet would not look good on a stalker ninja._

 **You know what? I just figured something out.**

 _Oh? Please tell me kind sir._

 **Must you act like this?**

 _I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation. Please impart your wisdom and knowledge with me, so I may continue learning from the Book of Beck._

 **I'm a little stupid.**

 _You're just now figuring this out?_

 **And you're a little crazy.**

 _Only a little?_

 **We should probably work on that.**

 _Maybe…_

 **Maybe?**

 _But this is way more fun. I kinda love it just the way we are._

 **Awww….you do love me.**

 _Ninja level stalkers aren't allowed to love._

 **Then why do you stalk?**

 _For various reasons._

 **It's because you love me.**

 _That's debatable._

 **Jade!**

A/N: Please review. :) I was thinking of maybe doing more of these if a random idea hits again. What do you think? (If I do make this a series of one shots, I will probably change the title. Just an FYI.)


	2. Fuck and Feast

A/N: Okay, once again, I don't even know what the hell this is. I got the idea at like 3 am and just went with it. Apparently when I am overtired and doped up on allergy medicine, this is the result.

A big thank you to those who reviewed last chapter:

-MC ABEDFAN

-lovElavan

-unicorn of fire

-La Dama del Tiempo

And once again Jade's texts are in _italics,_ and Beck's are in **bold.**

Enjoy?

Feast and Fuck

 _I'm so bored._

 **I thought that english lit was one of your favorite classes?**

 _It used to be. I mean, Cat and I could spend hours fantasizing about whether Mr. Roarke wears boxers or boxer briefs._

 **Jade!**

 _What?_

 **Everyone already knows he wears whitey tighties.**

 _Ew._ _You successfully killed that fantasy._

 **Good. Then my nefarious planned worked.**

 _Oooooh. Nefarious. That's an impressive word. Finally decided to look at the word a day calendar I got you last year for your birthday, huh?_

 **Maybe…**

 _Ugh! This is so boring! Can you just go like pull the fire alarm or something?_

 **No!**

 _Please! For me?_

 **Jade!**

 _Come on! Your just in study hall anyway. It's not like you are actually DOING anything..._

 **I am *trying* to work on my math homework.**

 _Trying and failing._

 **Because you won't stop texting me!**

 _I'll stop once you pull the fire alarm and get me out of class. :)_

 **Jade, I am not going to risk getting suspended just because you are bored.**

 _Fine. Loser._

 **I'm so hurt.**

 _Good._

 **I'm wounded.**

 _Fabulous._

 **Dejected.**

 _Wonderful._

 **Disheartened.**

 _Okay Mr. Thesaurus, you can stop now._

 **Good. I was running out of adjectives. Why are you bored anyway?**

 _Beowulf._

 **What about it?**

 _It has got to be THE most boring book about a blood thirsty beast that goes on deadly rampages that has ever been written._

 **Have you seen the movie?**

 _Ugh. No. Why the fuck would I want to see the damn movie if I despise the book?_

 **Sometimes movies are better.**

 _Yeah, right._

 **It's true!**

 _Name one movie that is better than the book it is based on. I dare you._

 **What will I get if I win? ;)**

 _What have I told you about that damn winky face? That thing creeps me out. Reminds me of the face Sinjin makes when I catch him staring at me._

 **Gross.**

 _Right?_

 **Back to the bet. What's my prize if I win?**

 _I dunno. Closet head?_

 **Wait...really?**

 _I'm *really* bored. Besides, I like to see you fail._

 **Okay. Twilight trilogy.**

 _Fuck you. That entire franchise is a fucking joke. Vampires don't fucking sparkle. They fuck and feast. End of story. I can't believe that you would even mention that piece of shit to me._

 **You just got yelled at for making some kind of loud noise when you read that, didn't you?**

 _I fucking hate you._

 **Harry Potter**

 _It's like I don't even know you anymore!_

 **The Crucible.**

 _I think we need to break up._

 **I'm just messing with you. I've known the answer from the start.**

 _Oh, please, share the title of this elusive movie, that is superior to the book it was based upon?_

 **It's one of your favorite movies.**

 _That's highly improbable._

 **Coraline.**

 _...um..._

 **Well?**

 _Shit. You win. Meet me in the janitor's closet when the bell rings._

A/N: Please review.


	3. My Name Is NOT Beckett

A/N: Again- cough and allergy meds plus lack of sleep are my only explanations for this.

To anyone who reads Victoriously Jade- I have NOT stopped working on that story, and I hope to get the next chapter up by this weekend. Between my work schedule and personal stuff, I haven't had the amount of free time needed to work on that particular story.

Thank you to everyone who reads, follows, favorites, and reviews my crazy stories. And a very special thank you to MC ABEDFAN, who came up with the name for this crazy series of drabbles.

A special shout out to those who reviewed last chapter:

-MC ABEDFAN

-lovElavan

-VegatheFrenchLop

Enjoy?

My Name Is NOT Beckett

 _So the word scrotum sounds like it should be the part of a flower, and not the technical term for a guy's sweaty ball sac._

 **Um…?**

 _Seriously. Think about it. Stem. Sepal. Style. Stamen._

 **What the hell is a sepal?**

 _Scrotum would fit right in with those._

 **With what?**

 _The parts of a fucking flower Beckett! Keep up with the conversation!_

 **Okay- a couple things. One- my name is NOT Beckett. Two- why the hell are you thinking about scrotum?**

 _Anatomy unit._

 **Ahhhhh.**

 _Which you would KNOW if you weren't being a big baby and staying at home sick all week._

 **I've got walking pneumonia!**

 _Key word- WALKING! Walk your ass to school and suffer through this with me!_

 **Jade!**

 _What? You can walk! It's in the damn name!_

 **This coming from the girl who gets a paper cut and acts like her finger is going to fall off?**

 _Hey, those fuckers be painful! And not the good kind of painful. Ugh...I am so mad at you right now!_

 **Why?**

 _Because, you are making me sit thru this torture BY MYSELF!_

 **I'm so sorry my illness is interfering with your happiness. Besides, Cat and Robbie are in our class too.**

 _Hmmmm, let's see. I have Cat on one side of me who is giggling uncontrollably at everything, and Robbie on the other side taking notes on every damn thing the teacher says. I can't decide who I want to punch in the face more right now._

 **Sounds fun.**

 _It would be if I had someone who could share my pain._

 **Awww…..you miss me.**

 _That's debatable._

 **You do.**

 _Maybe._

 **Someday I will tell our future child about this conversation.**

 _What conversation? And what child? What kinds of medicine are you taking Beck?_

 **I dunno. Good ones. Heavy duty antibiotics. Cough medicine with codeine. Stuff like that.**

 _Are you feeling any better today? And WHAT child?_

 **A little bit. Still pretty shitty to be honest. And I am talking about our future son, little Thaddeus.**

 _Ew. No. We are not naming our potential future son Thaddeus. What the fuck is wrong with you Beckett?_

 **Why are you so convinced my real name isn't just Beck?**

 _Because that's stupid. Beck has to be short for something._

 **Why? Jade isn't.**

 _And your point would be?_

 **What do you mean? We both only have four letters in our first name!**

 _Beckett has seven letters. I cannot believe I am going to have a potential future child with someone who can't even count how many letters are in his own damn name._

 **Jade!**

 _I suppose it is okay though. Little Atreyu will only get his good looks from his daddy. He will have his mama's brains._

 **Awwww. You want our potential future son to look like me.**

 _Duh._

 **Wait- Atreyu?**

 _Uh huh._

 **And Atreyu is a better name than Thaddeus how?**

 _Well, for one thing Thaddeus sounds like a douchebag name. And hello? Atreyu from Never Ending Story? Only one of the greatest kid movies and characters of all time. Plus…..he even kinda looks like a mini you. It's a win-win all around._

 **So basically you are telling me that you want to name our first born son after your first crush?**

 _Pretty much._

 **How about he is just a Jr.?**

 _Beckett Jr.? I suppose that has a certain ring to it._

 **Damn it Jade. My name is NOT Beckett.**

 _Until you show me a birth certificate, I will believe otherwise._

 **Because my license and school records aren't good enough for you.**

 _No._

 **And you HAVE seen my birth certificate.**

 _That was a forgery. It wasn't even an American one._

 **Because I was born in Canada!**

 _Ugh…...don't remind me._

 **You drive me insane, you know that right?**

 _But what a lovely insanity it is._

A/N: Please review.


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